Falling into the tempo. Looking for balance. Looking for my Center. Because my Center feels misplaced at this moment in life. The beats start to become visually pronounced like symbols on a musical score. Each beat is a fixed and constant point upon a line stretching behind me. Or like seeds planted in a field, full of promise and potential. Or the table of contents of a grand story book with each title tickling at an amazing tale.
Then the points (or beats or seeds or stories) start to take on shape. Not in a physical way, but in a narrative sort of way, each appearing as specific moments of interaction and influence. My falling takes me in to examine three of these moments.
The first is from a time when I was thirteen, when I did a childish and illegal thing. I had tried to escape, but my flip flops made running difficult, to say the least. So, I hid in the trees and bushes, wearing a very red shirt I might add, as four men, including a police officer, searched for me. After this brief time as a fugitive, they captured me, and consequences followed. But on this line where this moment exists, it showed me the most horrible fear of loneliness and helplessness. In my life today, on occasion, when I am feeling particularly cornered, thinking that only a bad outcome will prevail; then this fear will surface. So, I recognize and acknowledge this feeling within the present crises because of the influence of my experience. And with this I can more easily adjust my actions and interactions accordingly.
The second point on the line that I move to morphs into the shape of my partner’s face. She is beautiful and looking at me adoringly and with so much love. I think it may be the first time I noticed this look, four or five years ago. The influence of this moment has remained with me because I continue to see daily how she looks at me. And I can only imagine that the influence we have on each other includes my adoring, easily given, gaze back to her.
The third point on the line that I fall into is one from earlier this evening. As I am walking to my car, a lady passes by me in the parking lot. We lock eyes, and we share something special. We exchange a smile and an acknowledgment. With this comes a flavor of validation or connection for both of us. Then one second later she has walked past and is gone. I then recognize a need to consciously look for, if not initiate, interactions like this more often in my life, and to experience and share this exchange of immense healing and joy. Likely, that one very brief interaction is all there is between the two of us, but the influence of that one moment is so rich and vibrant.
The message or vision or teaching on this extensive line of beats is that everything influences us, and sometimes even the smallest and shortest of interactions can provide profound medicine. Like seeds, each experience, if nourished, will grow to influence who we are and how we define all the other stories in our life.
And so, with my return from this journey, my Center moves a bit closer back to my Center.
This is my journey
— Nate Long “Owl”